Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
