there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
