She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
