At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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