Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Come see our sink grown plant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
