It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
