Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
