The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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