my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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