yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I could fuck to npr.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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