True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
