I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
