we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
