My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
