Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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