well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
