Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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