she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
