Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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