i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
