Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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