I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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