so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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