I met the friendliest cop last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
