woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
