I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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