Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
