i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
