do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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