dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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