even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's like iHOP with fire
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
