everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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