i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
