OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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