Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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