I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
