Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
