There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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