Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
