I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
