I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
