My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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