ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
