we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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