I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
