I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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