Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
