The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish I only lived at night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
