Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
