Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm always down for nudity.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
