I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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