it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
