Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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