Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Even my vagina gasped.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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