Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
