Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
