i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
