My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I looked at my own cervix.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize