If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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