is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
