let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
