my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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