those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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