Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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