best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
