idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
