Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
