think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
