i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
