Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
