You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
