Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
