Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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