Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
