Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
