I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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