I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
