I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Alive.
So much puke
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
