I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
