Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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