I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
