I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
