Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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